Is My Relationship Toxic?
Take the Toxic Relationship Quiz to find out!

DESCRIPTION: 

This quiz is designed to give you an idea if your relationship (past or present) is so unhealthy it could cause you harm. 

Long-term relationships with highly toxic or narcissistic individuals can be incredibly damaging. These profound impacts are called Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome (NAS) or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD).  

DISCLAIMER:  

It’s important to remember this quiz is intended for awareness and educational purposes only. It is not a medical diagnosis, official result, or healthcare recommendation. To discuss a medical situation or diagnosis, please see a medical professional. 

DIRECTIONS: 

Please read each statement carefully, then select the answer that shows how frequently you experience it in the relationship. To evaluate a past relationship, choose the answer that shows how often it occurred in the past.

Welcome to your Toxic Relationship Quiz

Are there threats or dramatic ultimatums?  (Example: “If you can’t even show enough respect to give me an answer, I’m walking out that door!”

Do they blame you for nearly everything and point out how it is your fault?

Do they want your life to completely revolve around them and their needs, and if it doesn’t, they get angry or pout?

Has the relationship been wonderful at times but quickly can turn ugly?

Do they “one-up” you or give insults disguised as compliments?  (Example: “Congratulations!  You figured it out.  It’s about time, I learned that in kindergarten!”)

Are your pleas for attention or understanding frequently discounted, rejected or somehow it turns to be hurtful for them?  (Example:  A wife asks her husband,  “Can you fix the broken stairs?  I got hurt again.”   He replies, “There you go again making make me out to look like a lazy husband."  

Do they claim to know what you are thinking or what is best for you?

Do they frequently make you feel unimportant by constantly being late, changing plans, ignoring your repeated attempts to reach them, or by not keeping promises?

Does it seem like they only help or serve you if they can get brownie points from it in one way or another?  Do they serve other people in ways they no longer help you?

Do you find yourself feeling crazy or questioning your own reality or perceptions when you are around them?  Do they insist you think things that you don’t?

Do they tell you messages like you're just being too sensitive or dramatic and you just need to be more understanding with them, less dramatic, get past it, or give them a "re-start"?

Do they call you a narcissist or tell you that you are always making it all about you?

Do you constantly feel on edge around them?

Does it seem like the longer you have been in the relationship the less of your former self you are?

WHAT DO YOUR RESULTS MEAN?

14-16  Healthy

17-20  Relatively Healthy

21-30  Likely Toxic

31-42 Toxic

If you are unsure about this result, or it doesn’t seem right to you, I encourage you to check out the signs of a toxic relationship. This is another useful way to evaluate your situation. Please contact me if you would like to discuss your results. I’d be happy to give you information about the scoring or explain how your result was reached.


They….

  • Act resentful when you are hurt or sick
  • Don’t respect your need for space and privacy
  • Make it very difficult to live your own life and have your own thoughts and goals
  • Don’t really listen to you or take an interest in your feelings
  • Insist on being right
  • Make conversations always come back around to them
  • Don’t give as much effort to the relationship as you do 
  • Need attention all the time and want your life to completely revolve around them and their needs, and if doesn’t, they get angry or pout
  • Frequently make you feel unimportant by constantly being late, changing plans, not responding to your attempts to reach them, or not keeping promises
  • Claim to know what you are thinking or what is best for you
  • Give back-handed compliments and smug remarks
  • Have to “one-up” you or give insults disguised as compliments
  • Minimize accomplishments by comparing them to their own
  • Cause you to lose your self-respect for your own time and your needs
  • Ignores you unless they want something from you
  • Send guilt messages ( “If you loved me…”  “If you really were a caring person…”)
  • Shame you 
  • Tell you that you are crazy, confused, a liar, or have a poor memory
  • Tell you messages like you’re too sensitive or dramatic and just need to get over it
  • Project their own bad behavior onto you
  • Lack of genuine empathy
  • Blame you for nearly everything bad that happens 
  • Change how they relate to you when other people are around
  • Pit people against each other
  • Triangulate
  • Confide in other people about you as a way to make other people think badly of you
  • Gaslight when it comes to sex
  • Give you the silent treatment
  • Make you beg and plead for them to talk to you or care about you   
  • Believe the rules don’t apply to them
  • Try to get even for a perceived wrong against them
  • Conveniently forget on purpose
  • Fake empathy to manipulate
  • React intensely to criticism
  • Suck the life out of you
  • Call you a narcissist or tell you that you are always making it all about you
  • Cause a breakdown in your own self-respect for your time and your needs
  • Are hot and then cold, or nice and then nasty
  • Express silent or passive-aggressive anger
  • Are generous and altruistic only to manipulate people’s perceptions that they are a good, caring person, but they never do those things for you if someone isn’t watching
  • Constantly make you feel on-edge around them
  • Give gifts that you don’t want or attach strings to them  
  • Frequently give threats or dramatic ultimatums
  • Give praise and compliments only when they are trying to manipulate you
  • Forget about your requests on purpose
  • Rage when something good happens to you or for you
  • Want you to focus so much on them that over time you have lost yourself
  • Constantly have a condescending and patronizing undertone  (Example: using your name excessively. “OK! Rebekah! I heard you the first time, Rebekah.  You know, Rebekah…”)
  • Initiate conversations and situations that constantly make you feel confused or crazy
  • Consistently give less to the relationship than you do
  • Demonstrate they don’t actually want to get to know you
  • Create many situations where they end up the victim
  • Are incredibly likable in new relationships, but end up with all sorts of misunderstandings and failed relationships

DISCLAIMER:   

It’s important to remember this quiz is intended for awareness and educational purposes only.  It is not a medical diagnosis, official result, or healthcare recommendation of any kind. To discuss a medical situation or diagnosis, please see a medical professional.

Do You Need?

Answers

Are you constantly confused and questioning everything? 

Get the validation and insights you need to unravel your individual situation and clearly understand the truth about what is happening.

Direction

Have you tried everything, but nothing seems to be helping?

Get the personalized guidance, effective strategies, and roadmap you need to confidently choose your next steps.

Healing

Are you realizing just how deeply you have been impacted?

Get the trauma-informed support and direction you need to overcome the impacts and move forward in your life.

Services

Important!

Willow Life Coaching and Counseling, LLC does NOT provide medical services. Please see a licensed medical provider if you need medical and mental health services.

About Me

Bonnie Ronstrom

I’m a certified life coach, victim’s advocate, and pastoral counselor. I specialize in walking toward healing with those harmed by toxicity, narcissism, and spiritual abuse.

My passion is to provide the validation, support, training, and resources individuals and organizations need to overcome the devastating impacts of toxicity and abuse.

Whether you need a one-time consult or a place to heal, I look forward to meeting you and exploring how we can best work together. I work with clients from all over the world through virtual, trauma-informed coaching, Christian counseling (non-medical), groups, training, and consulting services.

Contact Me

Frequently Asked Questions

Christian Counseling

Do you take insurance?

My services are not medical, so they are not covered by medical insurance.

Who do you work with?

I work with English speaking adults from diverse cultures, countries, and backgrounds.

If you didn’t see an answer to your question, the link below will take you to more frequently asked questions.

What does working together look like?

The various parts of us (body, mind, soul, spirit, emotions, personality, abilities, etc.) are so intricately woven together that all aspects of us are impacted when we experience hardships and trauma. For this reason, I believe the most profound growth and healing occur when all parts of us are part of the process.

When we first meet, I’ll ask about your goals and what you hope to gain from working together. Some people have a clear picture of what they want, while others are overwhelmed and focused on surviving today (an expected impact of abuse and trauma). If this is your situation, we can start with your immediate needs, such as helpful information, clarity, a safety plan, or strategies to calm the chaos and anxiety.

I let each person decide how often they want to meet (permitting time in my schedule) and if they prefer to meet via phone or video chat.

As we talk, I discover your personality, experiences, preferences, and abilities. Getting to know you is an essential part of helping me present options and strategies that will be effective for you. I don’t believe a one-size-fits-all approach works.

Part of being trauma-sensitive is that I’m always listening for potential triggers and roadblocks so that together we can develop creative ways to help you keep moving forward and avoid being retraumatized. 

Trauma alters how our brain and nervous systems function. Even when we are no longer in a harmful environment, having “trauma brain” causes physical problems and makes everyday tasks and interactions difficult. An essential part of healing is helping your brain and nervous systems return to healthy functioning. Thankfully, our brains are capable of changing and developing new patterns. Even though trauma is devastating, healing is possible!

People are traumatized when they go through deeply distressing events. When these distressing events are ongoing (such as in the case of Narcissistic Abuse), the impacts are profound.

When there is stress, our brains temporarily change how they function to help us respond to the stressor and recover afterward. Prolonged trauma causes our brains to take on new patterns of functioning. Certain brain areas become overactive while others under-function. These changes are sometimes referred to as “trauma brain.”

Here are just a few of the signs of “trauma brain.”

Lack of focus

Memory issues, Forgetful

Fatigue, Unmotivated

Anxious, restless

Emotionally reactive

Difficulty feeling connected to anyone

Difficulty thinking through challenging topics 

More impulsive

Drawn toward addictions (food, shopping, drugs, researching, etc.)

Sleep difficulties

Loss of hope or difficulty thinking about the future

Jumpy 

Overthinking & obsessing

Headaches, stomach and intestinal issues, auto-immune disorders

Skeptical of everyone and everything

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