Is My Mother a Narcissist?
Take the Quiz to find out!

The impacts of having a narcissistic mother are immense. The first step toward freedom and relief is identifying what is actually going on. Then you can choose targeted resources to guide and support your journey to finding freedom, building confidence, and healing from the intense pain, confusion, and feelings of being trapped that come from having a narcissistic mother. To start exploring whether your mother is a narcissist, take this “Is My Mother a Narcissist Quiz” right now!

DIRECTIONS:  

Please read each statement carefully, then select the answer that best describes how frequently you experience each item about your mother.

DISCLAIMER:   

It’s important to remember this quiz is intended for awareness and educational purposes only. It is not a medical diagnosis, official result, or healthcare recommendation. To discuss a medical situation or diagnosis, please see a medical professional.

 

Does it seem like conversations end up being about her?
Does she have intense friendships that don’t ever seem to last for many years?
Does she play the victim?
Is she quick to criticize, yet she reacts strongly when she is criticized?
Does she need attention or affirmations all the time?
Does she show she doesn’t understand how you think or feel?
Does she seem to be frequently involved in “misunderstandings?”
Does she act hurt or angry when you make decisions without her?
Does she give you gifts that you don’t want?
Is she able to let you win (games, disagreements, etc.)?
Does she act jealous of you?
Is she easily offended?
Do you struggle to make decisions about things that involve her?
Does she compete with you?
Does your mother make you responsible for her feelings?
Does your mother do nice things for you only when someone will see it or find out?
Is your mother controlling or tries to involve herself in nearly every aspect of your life?
When something difficult happens in your life, does she only talk about how it will impact her?
Does she frequently have to “one-up” you? (Example: She has the best story, the most significant impact, the most challenging problem, etc.)
Do you avoid telling her about your feelings and things that happen?
Do you feel uncomfortable with how your mother talks about you or describes you to others?
Do you feel she values you more for what you do than who you are?

0-33  According to your answers, it seems your mom doesn’t show excessive narcissism.

 34-66  Your answers indicate your mom has quite a few narcissistic traits, and these traits may be impacting you.

67-132  Your answers indicate that your mom may have many narcissistic traits, and she may be significantly impacting you. 

WHAT DO YOUR RESULTS MEAN?

0-33  

According to your answers, it seems your mom doesn’t show excessive narcissism.

 34-66  

Your answers indicate your mom has quite a few narcissistic traits, and these traits may be impacting you.

67-132  

Your answers indicate that your mom may have many narcissistic traits, and she may be significantly impacting you. 

If you are unsure about this result, or it doesn’t seem right to you, I encourage you to check out the signs of a narcissistic mother below. This is another useful way to evaluate your situation. Please contact me if you would like to discuss your results. I’d be happy to give you information about the scoring or explain how your result was reached.

 

They…

  • Frequently ignore you unless they want something from you
  • Doesn’t respect your need for space and privacy  
  • Try to “get even” for perceived wrongs against them
  • Change how they relate to you when other people are around
  • Make it very difficult to live your own life and have your own thoughts and goals
  • Frequently use guilt messages ( “If you loved me…”  “If you really were a caring person…”)
  • Shame you to get you to do what they want
  • Make love or provision of your needs dependent on your doing what they want
  • Take the credit for your accomplishments
  • Are obsessively involved in your life
  • Compete with you 
  • Constantly lie to you
  • Don’t really listen to you or take an interest in your feelings
  • Tell you that you are crazy, confused, a liar, or have a poor memory
  • Give compliments that are really put-downs
  • Put you in a parental role
  • Have a favorite child
  • React intensely to criticism
  • Project their own bad behavior onto you
  • Lack of genuine empathy
  • Fake empathy to manipulate
  • Insist on being right
  • Are incredibly likable in new relationships, but end up with all sorts of misunderstandings and failed relationships
  • You give more to the relationship than they do
  • Need attention all the time
  • Make holidays and birthdays miserable
  • Give gifts you don’t want or they attach strings to them
  • Are resentful when you are hurt or sick
  • Silently or passive-aggressively express rage
  • Conveniently forget on purpose
  • Pit people against each other
  • Triangulate
  • Confide in other people about you as a way to make other people think badly of you
  • Suck the life out of you
  • Initiate conversations and situations that make you feel crazy
  • Make conversations always come back around to them
  • End up the victim, no matter what 
  • Rage when something good happens to you or for you
  • Inadequately protected you from harmful people, situations, or things

DISCLAIMER:   

It’s important to remember this quiz is intended for awareness and educational purposes only.  It is not a medical diagnosis, official result, or healthcare recommendation of any kind. To discuss a medical situation or diagnosis, please see a medical professional.

Do You Need?

Answers

Are you constantly confused and questioning everything? 

Get the validation and insights you need to unravel your individual situation and clearly understand the truth about what is happening.

Direction

Have you tried everything, but nothing seems to be helping?

Get the personalized guidance, effective strategies, and roadmap you need to confidently choose your next steps.

Healing

Are you realizing just how deeply you have been impacted?

Get the trauma-informed support and direction you need to overcome the impacts and move forward in your life.

Services

Important!

Willow Life Coaching and Counseling, LLC does NOT provide medical services. Please see a licensed medical provider if you need medical and mental health services.

About Me

Bonnie Ronstrom

I’m a certified life coach, victim’s advocate, and pastoral counselor. I specialize in walking toward healing with those harmed by toxicity, narcissism, and spiritual abuse.

My passion is to provide the validation, support, training, and resources individuals and organizations need to overcome the devastating impacts of toxicity and abuse.

Whether you need a one-time consult or a place to heal, I look forward to meeting you and exploring how we can best work together. I work with clients from all over the world through virtual, trauma-informed coaching, Christian counseling (non-medical), groups, training, and consulting services.

Contact Me

Frequently Asked Questions

Christian Counseling

Do you take insurance?

My services are not medical, so they are not covered by medical insurance.

Who do you work with?

I work with English speaking adults from diverse cultures, countries, and backgrounds.

If you didn’t see an answer to your question, the link below will take you to more frequently asked questions.

What does working together look like?

The various parts of us (body, mind, soul, spirit, emotions, personality, abilities, etc.) are so intricately woven together that all aspects of us are impacted when we experience hardships and trauma. For this reason, I believe the most profound growth and healing occur when all parts of us are part of the process.

When we first meet, I’ll ask about your goals and what you hope to gain from working together. Some people have a clear picture of what they want, while others are overwhelmed and focused on surviving today (an expected impact of abuse and trauma). If this is your situation, we can start with your immediate needs, such as helpful information, clarity, a safety plan, or strategies to calm the chaos and anxiety.

I let each person decide how often they want to meet (permitting time in my schedule) and if they prefer to meet via phone or video chat.

As we talk, I discover your personality, experiences, preferences, and abilities. Getting to know you is an essential part of helping me present options and strategies that will be effective for you. I don’t believe a one-size-fits-all approach works.

Part of being trauma-sensitive is that I’m always listening for potential triggers and roadblocks so that together we can develop creative ways to help you keep moving forward and avoid being retraumatized. 

Trauma alters how our brain and nervous systems function. Even when we are no longer in a harmful environment, having “trauma brain” causes physical problems and makes everyday tasks and interactions difficult. An essential part of healing is helping your brain and nervous systems return to healthy functioning. Thankfully, our brains are capable of changing and developing new patterns. Even though trauma is devastating, healing is possible!

People are traumatized when they go through deeply distressing events. When these distressing events are ongoing (such as in the case of Narcissistic Abuse), the impacts are profound.

When there is stress, our brains temporarily change how they function to help us respond to the stressor and recover afterward. Prolonged trauma causes our brains to take on new patterns of functioning. Certain brain areas become overactive while others under-function. These changes are sometimes referred to as “trauma brain.”

Here are just a few of the signs of “trauma brain.”

Lack of focus

Memory issues, Forgetful

Fatigue, Unmotivated

Anxious, restless

Emotionally reactive

Difficulty feeling connected to anyone

Difficulty thinking through challenging topics 

More impulsive

Drawn toward addictions (food, shopping, drugs, researching, etc.)

Sleep difficulties

Loss of hope or difficulty thinking about the future

Jumpy 

Overthinking & obsessing

Headaches, stomach and intestinal issues, auto-immune disorders

Skeptical of everyone and everything

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