Being traumatically bonded to someone is painful and exhausting. You may feel like you are being torn in half between a part of you that knows the relationship is hurting you and a terrified part of you that keeps convincing you it will eventually work out. Sure, there are brief moments of peace and calm, but the anxiety, overthinking, and devastating pain always return.
Traumatic bonds are not limited to romantic relationships, nor do they only occur in the context of an abusive relationship. While this is the most common, traumatized individuals can also be traumatically bonded to individuals who aren’t fully available to them for one reason or another.
Signs and Impacts of Trauma Bonding
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confusion and constantly trying to figure things out
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knowing the relationship is hurting you but feeling helpless to move on
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experiencing much more intensity around this relationship than you do with others
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noticing this has happened with other people in the past
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feeling shame about how much of your energy this relationship absorbs
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experiencing a high when you engage with them, and it goes well
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chronically thinking thoughts like maybe it isn’t that unhealthy, I’m not perfect either, maybe I haven’t given it enough time or explained what I need adequately
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feeling depressed, anxious, and restless when you are not with them
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feeling like your mind defaults to thinking about them
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having friends or family tell you to get out of the relationship, and you know they are right, but you just can’t do it
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feeling crazy or having intense, unpredictable emotions that are difficult to calm
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feeling like you have put too much time and energy into the relationship to turn away now
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anxious, jumpy, sleep issues, eating difficulties, panic
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fear of being alone, people-pleasing, constantly trying to “do better”
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nothing feels pleasurable except good interactions with them
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difficulty thinking clearly or making plans
Do You Need?
Answers
Are you constantly confused and questioning everything?
Get the validation and insights you need to unravel your individual situation and clearly understand the truth about what is happening.
Direction
Have you tried everything, but nothing seems to be helping?
Get the personalized guidance, effective strategies, and roadmap you need to confidently choose your next steps.
Healing
Are you realizing just how deeply you have been impacted?
Get the trauma-informed support and direction you need to overcome the impacts and move forward in your life.
Trauma Bond Recovery Support Will Help You...
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Learn how to identify if you are traumatically bonded.
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Understand the difference between co-dependency and traumatic bonding (and why it matters).
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Identify what led to trauma bonding.
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Learn how to calm and recalibrate your traumatized nervous system.
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Learn how to stop the chaos and confusion.
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Develop an effective, personalized strategy to break free.
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Overcome the chemical addiction in your brain that keeps you returning to them or over-focused on them.
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Learn how to calm and recalibrate your nervous system.
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Find the support and accountability you need.
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Learn how to enjoy calm and supportive relationships instead of being drawn to high-intensity ones.
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Identify and heal core wounds that made you vulnerable to trauma bonding.
If you would like someone to walk with you and provide the encouragement, direction, and tools you need to move forward in your life, here are some options for you.
Individual Session Options
Common Spiritual Impacts to Christians from Trauma Bonding
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Guilt that this person has far more of your focus than God does
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Confusion between being patient and caring and avoiding this harmful relationship
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Fear of being rejected if anyone finds the truth about what you think or do in this relationship
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Deep shame
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Feeling that God is distant and far away even when you know intellectually He hasn’t left you
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Intense guilt over things you have done in the relationship
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Difficulty focusing during prayer or Bible study
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Worn out trying to do different but finding yourself right back where you were
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Feeling frustrated because you have tried to follow all the advice you’ve been given from spiritual leaders, but it isn’t helping
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Feeling isolated and misunderstood by a church or friends who don’t understand what you are dealing with but think they do
My Approach
I believe we are all beautifully unique, including YOU, so a “one size fits all” approach often isn’t helpful and can even be hurtful. So, instead of using a cookie-cutter plan, I enjoy working together with you to create a path forward that considers your unique personality, challenges, and strengths.
I believe that you are the expert on you. My role is to listen and learn about you so that I can provide the guidance and support you need to get to where you want to go. The best growth and healing occurs in a space where you feel free to ask questions, disagree, and talk about what is helpful and what isn’t.
I believe every person is valuable. Unfortunately, trauma often causes us to confuse the impacts of trauma with our identity. When this happens, we are left feeling deeply ashamed, hopeless, crazy, and weak. I value you, and I want to create a safe space where you can feel and know your value too!
Important!
Willow Life Coaching and Counseling, LLC does NOT provide medical services. Please see a licensed medical provider if you need medical and mental health services.
About Me
Bonnie Ronstrom
I’m a certified life coach, victim’s advocate, and pastoral counselor. I specialize in walking toward healing with those harmed by toxicity, narcissism, and spiritual abuse.
My passion is to provide the validation, support, training, and resources individuals and organizations need to overcome the devastating impacts of toxicity and abuse.
Whether you need a one-time consult or a place to heal, I look forward to meeting you and exploring how we can best work together. I work with clients from all over the world through virtual, trauma-informed coaching, Christian counseling (non-medical), groups, training, and consulting services.
Specialties
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Contact Me
Frequently Asked Questions
Who do you work with?
I work with English speaking adults from diverse cultures, countries, and backgrounds.
What forms of payment do you take?
Do you take insurance?
My services are not medical, so they are not covered by medical insurance.
If you didn’t see an answer to your question, the link below will take you to more frequently asked questions.
What does working together look like?
The various parts of us (body, mind, soul, spirit, emotions, personality, abilities, etc.) are so intricately woven together that all aspects of us are impacted when we experience hardships and trauma. For this reason, I believe the most profound growth and healing occur when all parts of us are part of the process.
When we first meet, I’ll ask about your goals and what you hope to gain from working together. Some people have a clear picture of what they want, while others are overwhelmed and focused on surviving today (an expected impact of abuse and trauma). If this is your situation, we can start with your immediate needs, such as helpful information, clarity, a safety plan, or strategies to calm the chaos and anxiety.
I let each person decide how often they want to meet (permitting time in my schedule) and if they prefer to meet via phone or video chat.
As we talk, I discover your personality, experiences, preferences, and abilities. Getting to know you is an essential part of helping me present options and strategies that will be effective for you. I don’t believe a one-size-fits-all approach works.
Part of being trauma-sensitive is that I’m always listening for potential triggers and roadblocks so that together we can develop creative ways to help you keep moving forward and avoid being retraumatized.
Trauma alters how our brain and nervous systems function. Even when we are no longer in a harmful environment, having “trauma brain” causes physical problems and makes everyday tasks and interactions difficult. An essential part of healing is helping your brain and nervous systems return to healthy functioning. Thankfully, our brains are capable of changing and developing new patterns. Even though trauma is devastating, healing is possible!
People are traumatized when they go through deeply distressing events. When these distressing events are ongoing (such as in the case of Narcissistic Abuse), the impacts are profound.
When there is stress, our brains temporarily change how they function to help us respond to the stressor and recover afterward. Prolonged trauma causes our brains to take on new patterns of functioning. Certain brain areas become overactive while others under-function. These changes are sometimes referred to as “trauma brain.”
Here are just a few of the signs of “trauma brain.”
Lack of focus
Memory issues, Forgetful
Fatigue, Unmotivated
Anxious, restless
Emotionally reactive
Difficulty feeling connected to anyone
Difficulty thinking through challenging topics
More impulsive
Drawn toward addictions (food, shopping, drugs, researching, etc.)
Sleep difficulties
Loss of hope or difficulty thinking about the future
Jumpy
Overthinking & obsessing
Headaches, stomach and intestinal issues, auto-immune disorders
Skeptical of everyone and everything